Well hey, Wade has been mentally referring to Sephiroth as 'goth uncle' while rocking head to toe leather and spandex himself, so honestly the guy judging his name is precisely the kind of harmless and head-scratching hypocrisy he can get behind...

But he still heaves a sigh as they reach the top, head tipping back in an obvious pantomime of eye-rolling. Because honestly, if he's not gonna play at being a dram queen at every given opportunity, who even is he?

"A fake one, duh. I can't just go giving up the ol' secret identity on the first date, who would respect me then?" Never mind the fact that he's way, way too busted for a secret identity. Just let him have this, okay?!

"I'm just not that kind of girl," he adds as he eyes the storefronts and begins to make his way past the food court and, regrettably and with obvious (read: exaggerated) dismay, the lingerie shop. Shh, preciouses, he'll come back for you soon...

Business first; the longer he exists in this miserably unarmed state the less happy he is. He's like some kind of fugly fucked up Linus, he needs his goddamn blankie and his ballsack knife!!

"Can't believe they even took my little buddy," he muses aloud. "No one ever finds that one..."